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Friends in Need of Depression Support [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Friends in Need of Depression Support

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I sometimes wish i had traffic and other things like that to deal with [Jan. 29th, 2007|01:13 pm]
Friends in Need of Depression Support

[mood |sicksick]

I live with my best friend in the whole world and he is wonderful,but i don't go anywhere ever excep to pick up my medications when i meed refills.I check the mail once a day just to get a moments worth of sunshine,because i am the depressive type.I thrive on sunshine for the anti depressant affect it has on me.But now there's no sunshine in my life.I think i'm coming down with seasonal depression even though there is a lot of sunshime here,i'm never out in it to get it's benefits.I don't do well as a shut in and that's what i am now.I don't know what to do,because i love my friend very much.Enough to sacrafice my own needs for his.But he has no idea what it's like to need people,and outside air and sunshime.He's actually one of those people who really doesn't need anyone.When he's alone he doesn't get lonely like i do,and even though he doesn't need anyone he likes having me around,so it's working out real good for hime,but as for myself i'd rather be with my sister and her family,because although my sister is a royal problem to most people most of the time.At least when i was there i had the support of the whole family,which does contain some very supportive people,my sister aside,but now she's on medication and actually even she's doing better.I love my friend with all my heart,but i'm sacrificing my own happiness for his,and i didn't realize that before,I need to be back with my sister where i have the support of that whole side of the family even though their not related to me.they are my sister's in laws,but i could talk to them,go window shopping with them,spend time with my niece,take a walk whenever i wnnt,and things like that.She{my sister's mother in law offered me a lot of support,but at that time i wasn't open to all that.But i can't do what's best for me,because even though my friend says he doesn't need people around him i just can't believe that.If he doesn't he's lucky and he's the first one i've ever met of his type.I think he's lying when he says he doesn't need people.I cna't imagine being that way.I meed people and i'm not doing good without them.That's why i'm hoping to make a friend or two on here.I just cannot take the solitude.I will be mentally crashed in no time flat living this way.Does anyone have any advice for me?
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The holidays make me wish i was dead [Dec. 5th, 2006|04:45 pm]
Friends in Need of Depression Support

but i am not suicidal.not at this moment anyways,but the holedays are a curse to me,it is impossible to me to spend very much of my time happy at this time os year.the good thing is if i get through the holidays i will be okay.
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Maybe some progress? [Aug. 2nd, 2006|01:17 pm]
Friends in Need of Depression Support

[mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[music |Sesame Street]

I had a -miserable- day yesterday. I hadn't slept much the night before, and didn't have soda (but I did have some chocolate for caffeine, etc.). Traffic was HORRENDOUS, making me an hour late for work. I am NEVER taking a job this far from home again. Live and learn. However, it's only until the end of August, and if I'm sleeping well it will be much easier for me to get out of the house on time in the morning. I was on the verge of tears a lot, and anxious.

I decided to take 1/2 an ativan at dinnertime, and a trazodone at bedtime. I was hoping that in case the trazodone -was- making me anxious when I wake up at night, that the ativan would counteract it. I'm not sure if that's what happened, but I woke uo only briefly in the night, and I was able to get back to sleep easily. Woke up well before the alarm feeling rested, and felt no need for caffeine. YAY!

Another piece of the puzzle occurred to me yesterday as well, and it's so stupid of me not to have realized this before. We have this full-spectrum light on one of our nightstands. I got it years ago to help prevent/treat Seasonal Affective Disorder, which I'm not sure if I have, but I have gotten depressed in winter before (although not exclusively, and I always thought it was more the cold than the darkness. It was worth a shot). I've only used it occasionally for that purpose, and since it's been on the nightstand we've been using it like a regular light. When we are home. At night. D'oh!! Probably NOT a good idea. Especially since I had suspected in retrospect that using that light to illuminate my cat Erica for the purpose of killing fleas on her in 1995 might have contributed to the anxiety and panic attacks I had while pregnant with Matthew. So I mentioned this to Gerry yesterday, and we agreed to get another light for that side of the room, and put away the broad spectrum light.

I hope that sleeping at night will become a trend. A daily occurrence, even. Just think...
Sleeping. Every night. Without having to think about it. Wowww....
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(no subject) [Jul. 31st, 2006|06:08 pm]
Friends in Need of Depression Support

[Current Location |My bedroom]
[mood |calmcalm]
[music |Air Conditioner]

Hi - I think that everyone who will be here at least initially knows me already, but I thought I'd do a short intro anyway.

I'm Sue. I'm 44, married for almost 14 years and soon to be divorced, mother to a ten year old son. I live in the Baltimore area with my son and 4 cats, and I'm involved in a terrific, slightly over a year-long relationship with a wonderful man. We are practically living together now and will be in fact shortly, as soon as we can find a place to live that we can be happy with. We intend at some point to buy a house, but may look for a rental in between now and when we can afford a house. I'm currently renting a 1 bedroom place which is too small for the 3 of us (4 with his daughter). He is divorced, and his 8 year old daughter is with him every Tuesday and Wednesday night for dinner, and every other weekend.

I'm currently employed full-time as a nanny, and will be looking for a new job in September. I was certified as a massage therapist in 1991 and licensed in NY, but haven't worked in that field in many years. I am registered for a course in the fall in Infant Massage Instruction, and I plan to offer classes to parents as soon as I've got the credentials to do that. I've had LOTS of different work experiences, some of them in offices, and some of them doing other things. I'm not sure what I will be doing in the fall, but I will need a full-time type of income, and medical benefits once the divorce comes through and I will be taken off my husband's health plan.

I've had depressive issues since I was a kid, really manifesting in a big way in my early teens, which is when I first sought professional help. I was in therapy on and off for many years, diagnosed with depression. It stopped me from doing a lot of things in my life, primarily finishing college. I was not -constantly- depressed, but I had many long bouts of depression over the years, some mild, and some NOT. I had the kind of depression early in my life that robbed me of energy. I slept a LOT during those times. In more recent years, I've had the anxious kind of depression, with sleep difficulties. When I was pregnant, I was also diagnosed with OCD, mostly in the form of hoarding. I'm doing well with that now, but I do need some assistance in keeping up with the constant barrage of papers in my life. Luckily my boyfriend likes helping me with that :)

I was not really treated with medication until shortly before and then again after the birth of my son, but meds that worked for awhile eventually stopped. I suffered from severe anxiety with several bad panic attacks while pregnant, and suicidal depressions that eventually became not only emotionally but physically painful, almost to the point of being unbearable. I have seen over a dozen psychiatrists over the years, some of them only short-term in the hospital - I had about 6 hospital visits for depression in the late 1990's and early 2000's, and finally got diagnosed in late 2002 as bipolar 2. Before that time I was tried on a large variety of meds - imipramine, xanax, prozac, ativan, celexa, zyprexa, clonazepam, trazodone, effexor, welbutrin, remeron, paxil, risperdal, lamictal. I've also seen somewhere around a dozen therapists, mostly short-lived. I had a hard time finding someone who was simpatico enough and smart enough to deal with. I am currently only under a psychiatrist's care, and mostly it's just medication management. I don't currently feel a need for psychotherapy, but I'm not against the idea if the need arises again.

I've been basically stable on my meds since being diagnosed bipolar 2, with only a few mild bouts of depression/inertia, and some nasty bits of anxiety - no severe suicidal ideations. My current regimen of meds is imipramine (Tofranil), lamictal, and trazodone has been recently added for insomnia. Ambien was unfortunately causing an allergic reaction, so although I slept fairly well on that, I had to discontinue it. I also take Necon for birth control and menstrual regulation, and mirapex, for RLS (restless leg syndrome).

I'm doing quite well in general lately, the anxiety is mostly gone for now, and I am not depressed. Unfortunately, the insomnia which has been chronic for the last 2 1/2 to 3 years really makes life difficult. It's hard to function with only a few hours per night of sleep. I use caffeine only medicinally, and since I don't ordinarily take it, when I do I don't need much. I think that I am more productive at this time in my life more consistently than every before, even with the insomnia problem.

I'm looking forward to hearing from the other members of this community. I hope that we can all be of good support to each other.
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